by Andy » Mar 29, 2004 @ 6:45am
I never understood why people pay so much for abortions. A good, old-fashioned gut punch does the job. And they're free if you do them yourself.
Gut punches are a little risky for late-term abortions, however. For those, I recommend no less than a decent flight of stairs. To minimize collateral damage, always remember a helmet. In a bind, some air-filled glad sandwich bags and duct-tape will work -- it'll look ridiculous, but you don't always have the convenience of pre-scheduled operations in this field. Recall the boy scout's mantra: always be prepared.
Another trick of the trade: instead of pushing the mother-to-be down the stairs, gut punch (or kick) her down the stairs. It's much, much less likely that she'll manage to get a good grip on you and, consequently, less likely that you'll be pulled down the stairs with her. In fact, I've never heard of a practitioner being hurt using any of the punch/kick methodologies, so you probably won't need the helmet (or glad bags).
I'm not saying that gut punches can't work for late-term abortions, though. They certainly can! Many old-fashioned practitioners even prefer it to the stairs. But be aware that you run a larger risk of inducing premature labor, and you have less time to repeat the procedure (should the prior treatment fail).
Kill the Two-Headed Beast
