by damian » Oct 16, 2002 @ 2:29am
Once upon a time, there was a dysfunctional orangutan called Freda. She had a penchant for hard-drugs, and regularly imbibed various psychotropic substances. She had always wanted to be male, but was trapped in her female body. One day, she was scratching under her left armpit, when she saw a dog humping her right leg. A moment or two later, she shooed the dog, and went to PDAi.org, for all her mobile needs. She was so excited about the site that she decided she wanted the site all to herself and burnt the site operator alive at the first stake she found. After the crispy critter had been mocked by all and sundry, she broke the bathroom mirror of the wall and with a neurotic laugh on her tiny face, placed all the ashes in a couple ordened straight lines onto it, when all of a sudden from out of nowhere, a mysterious voice from above said "I'm surprised that it took this long for this type of thread to appear" and walked back into the distance, nly to be replaced by a big blue flashing PocketGamer logo, with a small subtitle reading "Well if Cameron did it, so can I." All of a sudden, however, the earth started to tremble and a low rumbling was heard, caused by THE ALIENS!!!! The Aliens landed on earth and wanted to eat up the nice little lady when all of a sudden the fearesome masked ppc warrior arose from the ashes, lifted her up with one arm, while commiting a masacre on the aliens with his awesome bleutoothsaw in his other hand. When the last oozing green drop of blood dripped to the floor leaving only strange smelling carcasses all around. She did what nobody expected (especialy our hero) ... she SAID SHE WANTED THE OLD POCKETPCTHOUGHTS LAYOUT BACK!!!! After thinking something as aswful as this, she went to the backyard and said 'this story is going nowhere fast' and 'stop with the damn plugs homos' when all of a sudden someone tried to liven this up by having Moose enter and ask why things always have to happen "all of the sudden." But they proceeded to stone Moose and continue the story by saying "wowzers". That'ss the word she was thinking at the moment. She pulls out her PocketPC and then plays a round of Final Fantasy 7 on her Pocket PC when it suddenly explodes sending broken ppc parts everywere. In a panic she runs around searching for a banana, and perhaps some peanut butter, too. She just had this irresistable craving to eat them. Meanwhile, next door, Paul appears all of a sudden and starts posting again; and for no reason here is Mike B, who only wanted to shamelessly plug himself into the story. In the mean time, however, a frog named Scruff was hopping across a pond landing on lilly pads when he saw the most bitchenest site ever, PDAi.org. Freda then gets ticked because she was written out of the story, so she decided she wanted the site all to herself and burnt the site operator alive at the first stake she found. After the crispy critter had been mocked by all and sundry, she broke the bathroom mirror of the wall and with a neurotic laugh on her tiny face, placed all the ashes in a couple ordened straight lines onto it, when all of a sudden from out of nowhere, a mysterious voice from above said "I'm surprised that it took this long for this type of thread to appear" and walked back into the distance. She then broke her back and died, but before she died, she spawned a pokemon pikachuwhich then said pikachu, pika, pik, pikachuuuuu; then it went to the store to buy some bananas, which ultimately destroyed the universe. She then woke in cold sweet... "<phew> it was only a dream". She wiped the goo out of her eyes, when the silent man next to her lifted a sign up which read : "...from out of nowhere". A dancing monkey wearing a thong started to break dance infront of her. in a dazed and confused rage she pulled her bra strap tight and grabed the shotgun from above her head and aimed it at herself. She was instantly killed. The neighbors heard a gunshot and she realized that GOD had brought her back to life for listening to Mooseys prophecies. She got into Moosey's RSX and road around with him for a while she realized how wrong her life was and decided to follow moosey's example from that day forward. But "all of a sudden", she realized she was being crazy and from that day onward carried a grudge against Moose. Anyway, she was taking a short walk, when she found another large group of banan's. She picked them up and ate them, only to realize that they were poison. She immediately ran to CAMERON! The handsome webmaster had come back from the dead, thanks to the oh so wonderful HP god, who also gave him a new battery for his Jornada. Anyways, she was just about to show him her lovely swingers pad when she ran away from Cameron before he could utter a word about PDAi.org. She looked back, and, to her horror, instead of seeing Cameron behind her, she saw a one-eyed one horned flying purple people eater. She then realized that she wasn't Purple, and didn't have to worry about being eaten. She started singing along to the tune, only to relize that she was about to be jumped by a group of wild and quite LARGE French women, all named Ethel were chasing her. To her dismay they began to gain on her, but coming to rescue her was Moose in his RSX. So she slapped moose and kept running when she fell though a black hole and ended up in my bedroom in the 102 story pocketgamer tower. Mike walked into David's bedroom, to ask a simple question, when he saw David and Freda eating bananas and having a nice chat about draperies. Upon seeing Cameron enter the room, both of them squeeled like school girls. Freda dashed for the door and out of the building while David covered himself with his quilt. When Freda finally made it outside, to her astonishment she saw a partidge in a pear tree, which she promptly shot down and ate, since for all this time she had been extremely hungry. She then decided to take a short nap, when Cameron started babbling about PDAi.org again. Lukily she still had her shotgun handy and put an end, again, to that poor man's lack of imagination. But suddenly, up in the sky, there were three witches on rocket propelled broomsticks. They waved their wands and transported her to David Horn's house, made of candy, and peppermint, where he tried to bake the woman in his large oven of DOOM. She was about to go into the oven when Chriva stopped her and told her to think carefully before she walk into the oven. She said, "What the fuck are you doing back?" while climbing out of the window to make her escape, but she prayed for Matt to intervene, and commit some 0wang3 on chriva once again, when suddenly an army full of n00bs commanded by none other than john ingalls appeared. He tried to rush Matt and Chris, who were beamed down from the enterprise for no reason at all, but they managed to escape, at least they thought. Little did they know that the army of n00bs was armed with bananas! And uhm, this was a problem because they dumped the peals after they shot the bananas out. This caused great slipage for everyone within the flying banana radius. Anywho, freda was just getting her name changed to Billy-bob when again Mike B. shows up for no apparent reason and is promptly hanged over a pit of ravenous chiuauas, and the world is happy, until one of the chiuauwas manages to row to the size of Homer's beer belly. Everyone wondered once again why Chriva is back and interrupted the story, when we realized that Chriva got sucked down the plug-hole and they all lived happily ever after, until Mike B. came back from the dead and started to ramble and Cameron started rambling on about his crappy site when they all are iluminated with a strange light, and on the floor the remaining bannana's are moving... sliding.. they are forming words.. ohh my... It reads ...."and now for some completekly different" but no one liked the banana's suggestion, so they ate them. But tehse weren't normal bananas, these were whacky bananas that caused everyone to start tripping. Confused and having the munchies they began to consume each other limb by limb starting with the left big toe. then suddenly up in the air, it's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Superman.
THE END.
I was too tired to go on... this just seems pointless. So I stopped at my first ending right now.
Once upon a time....
