by Brig » Jan 21, 2004 @ 4:49am
It would make an awesome ad campaign.
X-files type text pops up on the screen:
Russia, January 20, 2004
A truck spins out of control after trying to dodge two humping caribou. It spins left, then right, then does a flip and slides off the edge of a cliff into the chill waters below.
Narrator with actiony voice: "Iced over, hundreds of feet below the water, there lies 10 tons of beer... who will save it?"
Queue theme music
A helicopter flies over the water where the truck lies in frostilicious slumber. Out of the side of the chopper comes a guy with a well-cut jib, he lands on the ice, and spider-web pattern crackles outward radially from where he lands. The ice falls away, and he dives down into the water. Using high-tech flotation gadgets based on "creation science" he manages to float the truck back to the surface.
Queue Beach Boys
As he rises from the surface, he finds a group of half-nekked girls tearing each others clothes off "fighting" en masse over which beer is best.
Hot Woman: "Yo bitch! I know you did not just smack my titty."
Fine Ho: "You damn right I did."
Fine Ho smacks Hot Woman's ass. Then rips of her bra.
Hot Woman: "Oh my!"
Takes a boobaliciously long time to cover herself up.
Well-cut Jib: "Hey ladies, I've got the six-pack you want right here."
Queue Porn Music
Fade out...
Writer/Director loses all self-respect and kills himself at a young age.
Truth is a possession.
How far would YOU go for a cold one?
