PocketMatrix

Army joins fight to save beer

Ten tons of beer are trapped underneath the Siberian ice. And Russia wants to save it.

http://money.cnn.com/2004/01/20/news/fu ... /index.htm

It would make an awesome ad campaign.

X-files type text pops up on the screen:

Russia, January 20, 2004

A truck spins out of control after trying to dodge two humping caribou. It spins left, then right, then does a flip and slides off the edge of a cliff into the chill waters below.

Narrator with actiony voice: "Iced over, hundreds of feet below the water, there lies 10 tons of beer... who will save it?"

Queue theme music

A helicopter flies over the water where the truck lies in frostilicious slumber. Out of the side of the chopper comes a guy with a well-cut jib, he lands on the ice, and spider-web pattern crackles outward radially from where he lands. The ice falls away, and he dives down into the water. Using high-tech flotation gadgets based on "creation science" he manages to float the truck back to the surface.

Queue Beach Boys

As he rises from the surface, he finds a group of half-nekked girls tearing each others clothes off "fighting" en masse over which beer is best.

Hot Woman: "Yo bitch! I know you did not just smack my titty."

Fine Ho: "You damn right I did."

Fine Ho smacks Hot Woman's ass. Then rips of her bra.

Hot Woman: "Oh my!"

Takes a boobaliciously long time to cover herself up.

Well-cut Jib: "Hey ladies, I've got the six-pack you want right here."

Queue Porn Music

Fade out...

Writer/Director loses all self-respect and kills himself at a young age.

Uhm... I surely don't remember doing so if I did.

Think about it, God could be the laws of physics.

I have never found anyone that wasn't crazy that even tried to apply physics to things like Jesus walking on water. These things are called miracles and don't apply to physics.