by James S » Oct 16, 2002 @ 8:46pm
Just the other day, I was driving to work when I had to slam on the brakes to avoid hitting an alligator. The big reptile was stretched across a lane and a half of traffic, bringing almost everyone's commute to a deadly halt. This proves that we have a big problem. Alligators and Florida go together like hot dogs and apple pie, but enough is enough. I say it's time to eliminate the alligator problem altogether. There should be a year-round hunting season on these dinosaur look-alikes.
Let's consider the facts. A mother alligator can engender twenty babies in a good year. Two alligators? Forty babies. Now, granted, some of these young ones will be gobbled by turtles and other gators, but there will still be excess numbers of the scaled menace. Hardly a year g oes by that we don't hear about some family being terrorized by the horrendous sight of a gator that has wandered into their swimming pool.
Enough said. Anyone who wouldn't enjoy popping off a few gators now and then isn't a true, red-blooded American. I know what you animal lovers and conservationists and environmental wackoes will say: "But they're sooo cute." Well, bacteria probably looked cute to someone, but I don't hear anyone saying we ought to save the pneumocci, do I?
Some people love animals more than the human race itself. But imagine where that kind of thinking leads! You let the gators overrun town, and pretty soon you'll be hearing that mosquitoes ought to be protected. It won't stop until fleas are hopping all over your dog, your carpets, and your own hair because those animal rights activists won't let you kill the dear little things.
I say it's either us or them. We either round up and annihilate the dreaded gators or they will be turning on us. Imagine some poor retiree from Maine coming down to relax in her lakeside trailer. She's arthritic, blind, and almost deaf after eighty years of raising twelve beautiful children, contributing yearly and uncomplainingly to every charity you can imagine, and struggling to keep her small Methodist Church in business. Yet, the gator doesn't care. It sneaks up from the lake and attacks the poor old grandmother.
This should convice you that we're all very excited at the prospect of being able to hunt gators in town. So let's not wait. Those anti-gun control freaks might worry about shots fired randomly, but the weather's great so what do we have to worry about?
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Spam thread to compete with LG thread.
