It's liberating to shrug off emotion and attack someone with reason alone. Particularly, when you find that your emotions are confusing, contradicting, capricious. I'm done with the Republican party.
Once my aggression is worn away, I find it hard to deal with the emotions that drive it. The Dems make me feel like I've been rubbed raw. People react to me better when I'm not as kind as I'd like to be to them. Apparently, compassion is akin to weakness.
I wonder about my character. I like to win and sometimes forget who I'm hurting in the process. Sometimes I wonder if having character is really all that important. Politics fucking blows.
I fear I'm a narcissist, but at the same time feel like I should be. There's no doubt that American society wants me to be that way; why else would it push so hard for a success defined almost exclusively by image?
Being original was a major fuckarow.
Nothing is cut and dry: the fanning shades of gray are hard to contemplate; observing them only causes them to grow more numerous; they're different but impossible to tell apart. I'm wondering if that imagery only looks good in my head.
I'm having trouble balancing things. I feel paralyzed most of the time. I don't even know what I want anymore. I think life is "passing me by". I was immediately aware of how trite that sounds. I can't write without realizing that most of my sentences start with the letter I, and my fear of cliché sentence construction completely kills the creative process.
Committing to a future built on childish dreams and desires is the ultimate in foolishness. I don't want to make games anymore. That was hard to come to terms with--how do I justify all that time I spend playing the damn things? Can I enjoy things that don't necessarily of have lasting value without guilt? Not really.
I think I'm having some major identity issues. My cousin says I should pick up the reefa.
